Wednesday, April 16, 2008
spell my life--- B-O-R-I-N-G.
nothing is going right for me. my relationship is failing- AGAIN. ang i am feeling so down AGAIN. i got two options: either to end our relationship or wait for things to naturally unfold. of course i'll choose the latter. but it's wasting me away. i wish you were more courageous to break it to my face instead of taking things slow. it is tiring. it is killing me. you are wasting me away. it is sucking the life out of me.
ugh. i want to scream these all out right in your face! i want to slap you with these things that are keeping me low. i want to cry these all out in your arms. do i have to shout for you to hear me?
Posted at 11:21 pm by
stainedmirror
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Saturday, April 05, 2008
Today should have been the 5th month after we had broke up. It should have been the 5th month, only if he did not come back and i did not take him back.
So I wonder, what if I did not accept him? Would things be better now.. Maybe by now, things should have been easier for me. Maybe I should have been feeling better now. Maybe I could have already forgotten him. Only if I did not repeat the mistake of giving him another chance, maybe I'm okay now.
But right now, I'm feeling lonely- for the same old reasons which could have been prevented if only he did not budge into my life AGAIN.
Posted at 11:31 pm by
stainedmirror
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Wednesday, March 26, 2008
INCONSISTENT. That is what we are. I cried a lot last night assuming the worst. The next day, his attitude towards me changed. He was warm, hospitable, and very welcoming. He didn't went to work yesterday and spent the night on another computer shop that is why I can't find him. He didn't go to work again today so we had the chance to spent almost a day like we used to before. We ate, slept and watched tv. Then after I had my exam, we even ate dinner. It was weird, it's like he had become a bit of a stranger to me. Way back, that is the normal 'us'. Now it is the other way around. It is unusual for us to spend time together with just only him and me. It is unusual for him to hug and hold me. It was unusual for him to be entertaining. It was unusual for him to spend hours with me. But I wished the day last longer than it should. I miss these moments when all we did were be with each other the whole day..
A few more minutes and it will be our 11th month together. Just a few more minutes and it will be one year since I have known and loved him..And I hope this wouldn't be the last monthsary we will have. I wonder what tomorrow will be like..
Posted at 11:57 pm by
stainedmirror
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Tuesday, March 25, 2008
I came home a quarter to eight, teary eyed. I headed straight to my bedroom as always and there I cried. I buried my face on my pillow to prevent anyone from hearing my sobs. Then I went in front of the mirror and continued crying there. I saw that image again, the one I have already seen months ago, the face of a pitiable creature crying out for the same old reason again. I felt my face heating up with the tears tracing the same old path of sadness on my cheeks. I wish I could just let these all out at once and get rid of it forever. But it is not that easy. I wish it were. And I wished I could talk to anyone except my reflection but there was nobody to talk to.
Posted at 08:43 pm by
stainedmirror
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I said 'I love you', you heard 'Blah, blah, blah'
It is hard just to keep these things to myself but it is harder to speak them up. I want to talk but for some reasons, I can't. These thoughts are pushing me nearer to the edge of my sanity but I can't voice them out. I can't find a good time to say all these things to him. I also don't think he would listen and I am sure he won't care. And when I am with them, I automatically shut up. It is not that I don't trust my friends, maybe I am just tired of saying these same old things to them again. They might also be tired of hearing them. Besides, I am not quite sure that they understand. (I am not even quite sure that I understand myself. Or maybe I do, I just don't want to admit it.) They have never been here, they don't know how it feels.
Keeping all these things to myself is hurting. But talking is tiring..
Posted at 07:57 am by
stainedmirror
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